things i won’t do ever again after the pandemic is finally done . . .
wipe my dog down with hand sanitizer after someone pets her
participate willingly in a zoom dance party
be on a recipe chain letter for my favorite quarantine dishes
cut my bangs with a kitchen scissor
turn down the foot file when offered after a pedicure
check the gruesome death toll in New York City every morning
write about being a shut-in
run out of q-tips
convince myself that if I let my hair air dry and wear no makeup, that I am doing something healthy for myself
wear camo sweatpants
watch “Ground Hog Day”, “Pandemic”, or “The Walking Dead”
wash broccoli in Palmolive dish soap
scrub down the outside of delivery boxes and bags. twice.
forget to wash my hands without doing the inside of my thumbs
take daily shots of airborne, emergency and grapefruit juice
look out the window. ruefully.
forget that if I don’t wear earrings for two months, my holes will close up
clean the toilet without that blue stuff
wait for a shipment from the puzzle factory
order generic groceries for two weeks at a time. and cook three meals a day with them
play any board games whatsoever with my husband
melt zinc pills on my tongue as a preventative
drink elderberry elixir for god knows what reason
ignore anything Andrew Cuomo says. ever.
imagine a wild monkey, sordid affair with sanjay gupta
not know the differernce between state and national government rights
dress like a slob because no one will see me and my husband will relate
ever vote for a red governor. or red anything.
wear a N-95 mask while hiking
wash and wear my cotton blouses justifying that they’re wrinkled but clean
take a shot of Lysol
acknowledge Donald Trump as our president
wear latex gloves in the post office
say longingly…. “if only I had time, I’d get this done”.